Holden Caulfield

The story of my life.

Archive for the category “A big mess – leave city or go home?”

Good time with Phoebe and coming back home.

The carousel that Phoebe rode.

Greeting to all of you. In that post I’d like to tell you the end of that weird story. After that, she left her big bag in the museum and we went to the zoo together. She was still angry with me and she didn’t want to walk next to me so I didn’t try to make her for that because I knew that she’d go with me. In the zoo there weren’t many people and it wasn’t much to look at. Then we left the zoo and we went to the carousels. Phoebe was still sore at me but she was happy when she saw the carousels. I bought her some tickets for it and I sat on the bench and I just watched her ridding it. She looked cute in her blue coat. Suddenly, it started to rain but I didn’t care about it much. I was just happy that I was back with Phoebe and I could watch her going around and around. It made me so happy. God, I wish you could’ve been there to see her.

So I came back home. Not long after that I got sick and I had to go to the hospital. A lot of people kept asking me if I was going back to school in September. I just couldn’t answer that question. How can you know what you’ll do before you do it? And that’s all of this stuff for now. Thank you and good bye.


A weird night and quite a good day.

Museum of Natural History, where I met with Phoebe.

In this post I’ll tell you about my visit at Mr Antolini’s house and what came out of this. Mr and Mrs Antolini had an apartment over Sutton Place. I quickly got in there as I took a cab. Old Mr Anolini opened the door. He looked like he’d just had a party at his house. He seated me by that table which was full of glasses. He wanted to know why I was coming to his house and what was this all about. He gave me a cigarette and we started talking. We talked about my schools, my flunking four subjects, even about the way I perceieved some things. He tried to give me some advice about the future plans and so on, but I had that crazy plan. I wanted to leave this city and to live in a cabin far away and have a peaceful life with a job at the gas station. All his talks were very interesting but all in all I was very sleepy. I followed him to the living room where I was supposed to sleep. He left me alone so I could take my things off and go to sleep, and that was what I did. But when I almost fell asleep something strange happened. I woke up and Mr Antolini was sitting next to me and he was patting me on my head. I just hated perverty stuff like this, so I got nervous at once. I told him that I had to go for my things to the station as I had all my money there an so. He wanted to stop me but I just wanted to leave. So I did it. I went to the station, took my stuff from there and I had no place to go then.  In that situation I just sat on the chair and I tried to sleep at the station, but it was hard, especially because people were walking there all the time and putting my feet from the chair. So I just quitted sleeping and I sat down. I tried not to think about Mr Antolini and that strange situation. I tried to read a magazine but it didn’t help at all so I just went out for a walk. I started to feel hungry so I found a cheap restaurant and tried to eat something. However, it was too hard for me to swallow anything so I gave up eating. I wasn’t in a good mood. I wished old Phoebe was around. I decided to talk to her before I leave and give her money back. I went to her school and I left a message for her at the secretary office saying that I wanted to meet her at the museum. Then I just went to our place of meeting. I hadn’t been there for ages. It still interested me, even though it hadn’t changed at all. There was almost nobody in there and I was a bit amazed when I saw two young boys. They came to me and asked me if I knew where the mummies were. I didn’t have anything to do so I went to show them the mummies. That was sort of funny thing to do. Suddenly I looked at the clock and it was about Phoebe to come soon. I started to get nervous about the fact that the lady in secretary office hadn’t given my letter to Phoebe, but in a while she showed up. She was carrying a big bag with her. She told me that she wanted to go with me but I couldn’t agree to that. She started to cry and beg me to take her. So I had no choice but to tell her that I changed my mind and I was not going anywhere. It was a hard decision but I had to give her my word that I would come back home with her.

Breaking into my own house.

The building where our house was.

Hello everyone! This post will be about my trip to my own house. I went there just because I wanted to talk with my sister, Phoebe before I realized my big plan. When I got to my house, I had to make sort of breaking into it. Firstly, I had to persuade an elevator boy that I was going to my neighbour, Dicksteins’. He wasn’t too clever so I didn’t have to talk much. He just picked me up on my floor. As I came into my house, I tried to be as quiet as it was possible. I went to Phoebe’s room and I recalled that when D.B. was in Hollywood she stayed in his big room. So I went to his room and I saw her sleeping. I didn’t want to wake her at once. I walked around the room looking at all that stuff and I sat by her desk to see her notebooks. I liked looking through her notebooks because she had some funny notes, just like all children have. Then I lit a cigarette and I finally woke her up. She was very happy to see me. She told me that parents were at the party and they wouldn’t be back till very late. She asked me why I was home then, because I was supposed to be on Wednesday. She fastly recognized that I got kicked from school. She took it very emotionally. She said that our dad would kill me but I knew it wouldn’t be that bad, but she didn’t want to talk with me. She put a pillow over her head and I couldn’t make her put it off. So, I went to the living room to take some cigarettes from the box on the table. I ran out of mine. When I came back I made her talk to me. She wanted to know why I had got expelled from school, so I told her about all the phony guys in Pencey and those teachers that I just hated. She told me something that was true and what knocked me out at the same time. She told me that I didn’t like anything and what knocked me out was the fact that I really couldn’t think of one thing that I liked very much. I tried to find one thing that I really liked but it was hard. I talked with Phoebe about my plans for future, but it wasn’t so easy to do. Finally, I said that I couldn’t sit there no longer because parents could came back anytime. I decided that I’d phone Mr Antolini, my old English teacher. He lived in New York and he liked me. He agreed to take me for some time. Then I just wanted to spend some more time with Phoebe. I made her dance with me. We danced some steps and at last Phoebe wasn’t so angry with me. But when we were talking, we heard somebody was getting into house. I quickly got into closet and turn the light off. When parents came in, my mother noticed that Phoebe was not sleeping. She also felt smoke so Phoebe lied that she smoked one cigarette, just because she couldn’t sleep. At last my mother believed her and let her go to sleep. When Phoebe got back into her room I asked her if she had any dough, because all my money was in the box at the station. She gave me all her dough for Christmas and then I left our house and went to Mr Antolini.

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